i've past the century mark! i've started writing in this blog for fun... but now, looking back, it has inadvertently became my diary... i've never been able to keep a diary all this while so i guess this is the only space in which i allowed the outpouring of my feelings... to reveal my deepest and darkest secrets... *devilish grin*
but truth be told, i've held back so many things writing this blog... i dun think it portrays who i really am... at times, i've written to portray myself as a jerk - emotionless and sarcastic... the only explanation i have is that i feel safer behind this mask... a mask which will never reveal my weaker side, my emotions...
lately, my writings have become shallow... i'm writing without passion... i'm writing just for the sake of keeping this blog alive... probably as a hope that some things in life will always be there - friendship, love, hope...
sadly, when i started this blog, it actually made me feel closer to a couple of my friends... every comment they left on my blog actually meant something to me... and that was my main purpose in writing this blog as well... now, i feel as though my blog is an abandoned structure... lifeless in all it's purpose... i'm not asking for more publicity or more comments... my readers are a select few anyway... i just felt as though the content of my writing lately defeats the purpose of my blog...
this is actually a mirror image of my take on life right now... everything seems dull, meaningless... everyday a lifeless routine that i drag myself through... no fire within me, no passion... everything that i once was interested in seems pointless these days... what is wrong with me?
i wanted someone to talk to... and there is someone at my side always... but i just can't let it out... i just can't talk... so i've learnt to keep myself occupied with studies, projects... something that i can work with logic and equations... shutting out my emotions completely...
ironically, here i am talking about that problem which i can't seem to be able to talk about... is this a fitting entry for my post no 101? this could be my last... no... i'll be back... but for now, i think i'll just fill this space with more shallow entries...
1 comment:
It sounds like you need a best friend, someone you can tell everything to, share your joys, worries, and sadness but also laugh with, poke fun at, and even be silent with. It's tough finding someone that can relate to you that much, but he/she is out there. I hope your article is writing smoothly...
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